Back in January, author Mark Manson wrote a delightful article - probably my favorite of his so far.
It was aptly titled "THE SUBTLE ART OF NOT GIVING A F*CK".
It started with this paragraph:
"In my life, I have given a f*ck about many people and many things. I have also not given a f*ck about many people and many things. And those f*cks I have not given have made all the difference."
Now look, there are literally a thousand blog posts out there that cover this topic.
As well there should be.
Because this whole "caring way too much what other people think" bullsh*t has frozen more talented people in their tracks than anything else I can possibly imagine.
Worse yet, this whole addiction to what people think is completely toxic to your magnetic potential. I mean it literally murders your ability to be a charismatic and influential individual.
Let me say that again: There is absolutely NO WAY IN HELL you can be charismatic, influential or respected when you're so inwardly-focused and obsessed with how other people see you that you haven't got so much as an ounce of present-moment awareness to offer anyone else.
(And if you've read my other articles on maximizing your magnetic potential, you know that presence and outward focus are THE most essential qualities of a charismatic individual).
So how do we get over this exhausting nonsense that's costing us our freedom, joy, aliveness and ability to truly enjoy life?
Here are three simple mindsets that will help you break the chains of slavery for good. Right here, right now.
MINDSET 1. You accept the reality that whether you're the loser who sits on his ass playing X-Box 360 all day long, or you end up winning the Nobel Peace Prize for curing cancer - you're going to be criticized anyhow.
I am sorry, but there is just no way around it.
Human beings are far too fallible, emotionally fragile and unconsciously habitual to NOT criticize every Tom, Dick and Harry on the planet - even when doing so makes them feel cheap and dirty for their trouble.
That's simple human nature.
So it's best to get over any fantasy you might have conjured up once upon a time about somehow being able to make it through life without being judged - Especially if you plan on doing something with your life that actually makes a difference.
Brené Brown put it like this: "If you intend to accomplish anything of value in this lifetime, you had better be ready to have your ass kicked. Because the critics are going to literally be coming out of the woodwork to attack you."
Of course, if what you're trying to accomplish really matters to you, there's a high probability that you won't give much of a f*ck what anyone has to say about it, anyway.
MINDSET 2: You recognize that the vast majority of people who are hurling insults and criticism at you are just giving you a glimpse of their own inner world - like what's really going on with them.
(Don't worry - I'm not going to launch into a Jungian rant here on the phenomenon of psychological projection, mainly because the people who read my articles are damn well educated enough to know exactly what I'm talking about here).
If you do happen to need a quick refresher course on how little other people's words, actions and beliefs actually have to do with you, pick up Don Miguel Ruiz's book 'The Four Agreements' and let's call it a day.
MINDSET 3: You realize that if no one is attacking or criticizing you, then you've probably got a hell of a lot in common with the X-Box junkie I mentioned earlier ....
In other words, it's probably time for you to get a f*cking life and start making something happen for yourself already.
And I also mean to advise you to f*ck playing it safe. That means you PLAY FULL OUT and throw your fear of "offending" anyone right out the f*cking window.
Like Sally Hogshead wrote in her book 'Fascinate', "If you’re not generating a negative response from someone, then you’re probably not fascinating to anyone."
Massive 'Ah-ha' moment in progress - Wait for it ...
Years ago, I built my entire nightlife company on that single premise. See, I noticed something crazy and paradoxical about the way human beings operate ....
The less you gave a f*ck about what they thought of you, the more likely they were to actually like and respect you.
And that's exactly why the addiction to what people think is so completely insane. It's a thoroughly self-defeating strategy.
Because for every ounce of effort you put into gaining validation, acceptance and approval, you actually end up losing ground with the same people you're trying to win over in the first place!
So look ... It's crazy.
It's exhausting. It drains your self esteem and self respect. And you know it.
Eleanor Roosevelt said it like this: "Do in your heart what you know to be right, for you'll be criticized anyway."