Self Image is Everything

Your self-image is the very foundation by which the entire quality of your life will be ultimately determined. How others see (and treat) you, how frequently you will attract abundance (as well as how deserving you'll feel once you have it), your ability to thrive in your career, health, finances ... believe it or not - is all completely contingent upon your self-image.

Psychologists have known for nearly a century that the strongest force within the human psyche lies within the need to find - and then stay consistent with - one's identity. That means that once the unconscious mind has a clearly defined sense of identity, it will go to any length to maintain and protect it.

Your self-image defines your identity - and your identity defines the limits of your potential. Until we consciously let go of our old self-image (along with the limiting beliefs and convoluted misperceptions that were attached to it), any changes we make on the outside will conflict - and contradict - the image we hold on the inside. When that happens, the result is unconscious self-sabotage.

• The weight you lost through months of discipline and sacrifice will somehow find you again.
• The promotion you worked so hard to earn will inexplicably get sabotaged.
• The lottery money you won will find a million and one ways to evaporate, leaving you even worse off than before.
• The amazing relationship that you previously had with your partner dissolves because you do something completely out of character (and for no apparent reason) which irreparably damages their trust in you.

Do these examples ring any bells?

You see friends, your unconscious mind will always make sure that "you" stay consistent on the outside with the self-image you're holding on the inside (Remember - the most powerful human need is the need for identity).

Change that image of yourself you hold on the inside, and everything on the outside will almost magically change right along with it.

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The High Value Power of Praising Others

One of the great ironies of life is that people of high-value are often deemed "arrogant" or "egotistical" by the mediocre majority.

It's ironic because in reality, quite the opposite is true. Being high value means your focus, energy and attention is on others at least 90% of the time. 

Which brings me to compliments.

One hallmark of high-value individuals is their willingness to offer praise to others.  To these select few, giving a genuine compliment is an effective means of *offering value to others* as well as *garnering value for themselves*.

Of course, this entire concept is beyond reason to the low value majority. They distort such behavior, often labeling it 'ass-kissing', 'being manipulative', 'being fake', etc. And from their map of the world, it must be - Low Value Individuals rarely (if ever) give compliments. 

Their reasons for this total lack of social grace is two-fold:

1. They're far too preoccupied with themselves (and their constant need for approval) to even notice - much less compliment - others
2. Their scarcity mindset tells them that by giving value to someone else, they will be losing value for themselves.

It usually sounds like this: "You know, I would tell you how handsome/beautiful/intelligent/talented you are ________, but I don't want you to get a big head."

Translation: "If I raise your value, I'll lower mine, so I'll maintain the 'equilibrium' by never complimenting anyone!"

Sound familiar? 

The HVI (High Value Individual), on the other hand operates from an abundance mindset and sees compliments as one of the most effective means of:

• Offering high value by giving credit and recognition where it is deserved  (thereby raising their own value with the recipient)
• Conveying a powerful self image by having no aversion to express appreciation for others (thereby raising their own value to anyone who witnesses them issuing the compliment)
• Demonstrating their social grace and  intelligence (thereby raising their own value within and throughout their high-value social circle)
• Identifying and filtering LVI's (Low Value Individuals) out of their lives (thereby raising the value of their entire circle of influence by proactively maintaining high standards)

Of course, the majority of people who read this site are already well aware of just how much value and influence they can yield by using something as simple as a genuine compliment. You're not the ones I'm writing this article for.

This article was written specifically for those who still maintain that their refusal to rise above their low value standards, habits and peer group are an act of "humility", "selflessness" or anything other than what their need to conform to mediocrity actually is - an expression of selfish cowardice.

We alone determine our value. The rest of society just takes our cue and treats us accordingly. 

Stay high value, my friends.

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Top 10 Misconceptions Men Have About Women

Let's face it guys, ours is a lost generation of men. And with good reason.

The majority of us had fathers who traded time for dollars and were rarely around for us. For others, dad was checked out altogether.

Now factor in that at least half of us are children of divorce in a system that's heavily biased towards awarding custody to mothers, and the end result is an entire generation of emasculated men who were raised by women.

So, in an effort to do my part to restore the natural balance, I ask you to set aside any latent anger I may have just incited towards your parents and delight in my list of The Top 10 Misconceptions Men Have About Women.

1. If I want to know what a woman wants in a man, I can just ask her! (AND ... insert loud buzzer noise here) - Wrong. The majority of women, when asked about what they're looking for in a man, will give you a typical laundry list of qualities. These usually run along the lines of "a nice guy", "someone who's sweet and funny" "someone who loves cats", etc ...

What this list really consists of is the surface-layer stuff that she thinks she wants. And while it's true that she does seek these qualities on a conscious level, it won't do you a bit of good because the fact is that women (unlike men) feel attraction largely on an unconscious level. They're not deliberately trying to deceive you, gentlemen.

How many times have you heard a girl say "There was just something about him that was so attractive, but I can't put my finger on it."?

Take the whole "I just want a guy who's nice" example. Have you ever wondered why MMA fighters, cops, firemen, etc. get hot women (even the hideous ones?). Regardless of what women say they want, you need only take a look around you to see that the 'nice guy' will almost always lose out to the 'bad boy'.

And as many of you have discovered, buying into this non-deliberate misdirection is tantamount to purchasing a one-way ticket to the friend's zone.

2. Women are 'bitches' because they always look to push their boundaries, test guys and play tons of mind games. - A woman - especially a high-value woman - is perfectly within her right to test you to see if you're actually worthy of being with her. And the truth is, her tendency to push limits and test boundaries is also a function of her unconscious thought processes.

That means (unlike me), she's not deliberately trying to mess with you!

From an evolutionary standpoint, women are hard-wired to seek out a protector - one with qualities like confidence, strength and assertiveness (take note gentlemen - these qualities are the ones that actually build attraction). So when you establish a boundary in the beginning of a relationship and then let her slide when she breaks it, you've essentially failed her test and shown her that the only thing you're really worthy of being is a door mat. And rightfully so. Unlike the majority of men, women don't reward bad behavior.

3. All men are shameless, sex-crazed, skirt chasing pigs and poor women have to put up with being hit on constantly. - (I actually wish I had a freakin' bull-horn for this one).

Do you know what genre of books consistently outsells every other? Romance novels. Yeah - those incredibly lame paperbacks with douchebags like Fabio on the cover. Who do you think reads all those books?

Here's a newsflash boys - women love and want sex every bit as much as men do. And if they didn't want to be hit on and romanced, they wouldn't have spent 4 hours putting on make-up or doing their hair and nails before going out on a Saturday night.

In reality, women are more than happy to be complicit in their own seduction, as long as you don't go about it in the same low-value way that most guys do. Men who have problems communicating their interest to women are typically the types that are heavily attached to the mind-virus of judgement - often to the point of assigning them numbers on a subjective value scale. Of course, it doesn't do you much good to see her as an '8' when you see yourself as a '4'.

Allow me to clarify: You're the one with the problem. 

4. All women are money hungry gold-diggers! - This is a popular notion that guys often use to explain away their incompetence with women.

Again, if you'd have managed to stay awake during that otherwise useless college course on human evolution, you'd know that females have been hard-wired since the age of australopithecus to seek out a male who is a competent provider. 

And while it may be hard for your ego to accept, this is far more a means of nature ensuring the survival of a species than it is a vindictive attack on your eggshell of a male psyche. 

5. Since she wants a 'provider', I can impress her by talking about my job, family inheritance, BMW, social status, etc. These are all great ways to demonstrate the value she's looking for! - WRONG. When you first meet a woman (and actually want her to be attracted to you), your focus and attention should be placed on her, and only on her. That means you ...




... Ask her questions about what's important to her - THEN SHUP AND LISTEN.

If you can't shut your nervous yap long enough to catch the essential clues and insight she's offering you, then you deserve the disappearing act she's about to pull on you. 

 6. When we go out on dates, she'll appreciate the fact that I give her options and ask her where she wants to go! - Translation - "I'm too much of a wuss to do my job as a man and take the lead, so I'll place that burden squarely on her, instead." Unless she specifies a place or activity, do your duty as a man and take the lead for God's sake. The same concept applies in any instance where leading is appropriate. If you don't step up, you'll get stepped on. 

7. I don't want to scare her off by sexually escalating too quickly. She'll appreciate the fact that I'm taking it slow. - Here's another delightful excuse 'nice guys' use to justify their cowardice and refusal to lead and pace an interaction ... And they wonder why women get frustrated and lose interest. 

Instead of attempting to read her mind, why not try paying attention instead? The majority of men are too tied up in their own egoic delusion to be aware of the obvious cues that women give them to escalate. Even worse, whenever any sexual tension is created, they ruin the moment by backing off instead of making a move.

The essential skill required to lead any interaction depends upon your ability to read the cues she's giving you. Unlike you (who has to analyze every situation to death), what she's looking for is spontaneity. So stop making decisions for her and start paying attention to what she wants. 

8. Since women want to be appreciated, she'll love the fact that I'm putting her on a pedestal! -This one deserves an entire article of its own because it is the absolute, number one mistake men make with women.

In fact, the tendency that modern, emasculated men have to 'hex' a woman by idealizing her doesn't just cause her to lose interest in you ... it completely repels her. If you make the mistake of forcing her to be the scapegoat for your low self-esteem, say goodbye to attraction for good. 

9. I blame women being shallow bitches for my low self esteem! - This guy is the type who's famous for saying things like "There's no sense in approaching a really hot girl. She's definitely out of my league" or "I'm in my 40's, younger women won't like me."

Look around buddy. Hot women everywhere have shacked up with fat guys, ugly guys, broke guys, etc. As for you being "too old" ... unless she's a 12 year-old Justin Beiber fan, she probably swoons over guys like Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Johnny Depp. Know what they have in common? They're all older than you are. 

The men who still adhere to the ridiculous notion that women care about looks, money or any other surface layer nonsense are blind to the most wonderful thing about women ...They're not nearly as superficial as we are!  

10. I have to get her to like me before she'll find me attractive! - The majority of men who fail miserably with women do so for the same reason most people suck at sales - They're too cowardly to break rapport!

And just like the spineless salesman who is too scared to take a deal off the table, the agreeable man who won't challenge a woman or stand up for himself comes off as a weakling who is unworthy of her time. 

Newsflash - You can't lose what yon't don't have! The handful of men who are successful with women know two things - 1. In the majority of cases, you will have to break rapport at some point in order to activate the masculine - feminine polarity at the very core of attraction, and 2. the essence of attraction amounts to little more than getting a woman to emotionally invest in the interaction. 

Whether the emotion is positive or negative is irrelevant because attraction doesn't have a thing in the world to do with "liking" someone. You're not in the third grade anymore, so grow the hell up.

If you have found yourself falling victim to of any of these 10 socially-programmed misconceptions, you might want to stop using sitcoms with gay writers like Sex and The City as your guide to what women want or how a man should act - and hire a coach, instead. There's a reason those women were all still single in their mid forties. 

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The Top 5 Ways Guys Blow It With Women

One of the more enjoyable aspects of working in the bar/nightclub industry was all the nightly comedic entertainment you were sure to be exposed to. I kid you not, along with perks like free limo rides, endless bar tabs and a steady stream of attractive and available women, came some unparalleled entertainment in the form of totally clueless guys who seemed to count being constantly rejected as one of their favorite hobbies.

I'd like to return the favor to those 'gentlemen' who so graciously sacrificed themselves (and their self-esteem) by offering this short accounting of their top 5 follies with women. It is only through their self-less sacrifice that the rest of us might learn what not to do when trying to create attraction with women.


Without further ado, here are the top 5 ways guys ruin attraction with women:

1. Being too aggressive: I used to love watching these guys get blown out. They're the type that go from zero to 100 the moment they get an IOI (indicator of interest). If you're one of these guys, here's a clue - women are attracted to a man who is assertive. Aggression on the other hand repels women.

Aggressive behavior - coming on way too strong - smacks of anger issues and a guy who is not in control of his life. Assertive men on the other hand, sub-communicate that they are in total control of themselves and their lives.

Being assertive is knowing what you want, and then relentlessly going after at. Being aggressive is trying way too hard to get it. It would behoove you to understand the difference.

2. Being too available: As a sales professional, I learned early on that scarcity is one of the strongest triggers when it comes to getting someone to bypass their usual "analysis paralysis" and take action. It's rather difficult to create a sense of urgency with a woman when you're far too accessible to her ... and it's amazing how disinterested women can be when they see you as being a readily available commodity.

It's also amazing how decisive they can be when they know being "wishy-washy" with you means another woman is likely to come along and snatch you up at moment's notice. So stop posting hourly Facebook updates and texting or calling her every 3 hours. This is usually a great indicator that you've got nothing else going on, and a clear message that she should continue shopping for a high-value man that actually has options.

3. Bringing up past relationships: It's unreal how many guys blow it almost immediately with this one. Your past relationships are over for a reason. Hearing about how badly your ex traumatized you is not going to win you any points. Neither will being negative or pessimistic about your past, so check your baggage at the door and try focusing on something that is actually important to her, like creating a compelling vision of the future she'll have with you.

Believe it or not, she'll appreciate you being one of the few guys who are capable of being fully present with her in the moment.

4. Showering her with gifts: This is something I hear guys trying to justify all the time. Even the girls you think are clueless, naive or flat-out dumb are intuitive enough to see this type of behavior for what it is - a shameless bribe that screams "I'm unworthy, but here - take these gifts as compensation for my shortcomings." 

Pull yourself together and save the supplication for your mommy. She will invariably sense your lame motives (and your low self-esteem), lose any interest and attraction she might have previously had, and you'll either be consigned to the back-burner or get locked up in the "friends zone" (where guys like you belong).

Gifts will be much more appropriate once they're being given without a hidden agenda. 

5. Being totally clueless: The years I spent working in the bar scene taught me one thing ... most guys are totally clueless when it comes to women, and more specifically, what women care about. It was usually the DJ (no matter how ugly he happened to be) that got the most women. Why? Because he was constantly stirring up strong emotions in women with the music he played. 

Ever been in a club and heard a horde of women let out a collective scream of ecstasy because a certain song came on? 

Conversely, have you ever heard a horde of guys do the same thing? (If so, you were probably at a gay club).

Women are emotional creatures - the men who realize this are the ones who consistently get emotional reactions from women and then build massive attraction with them. The ones who don't spend two hours primping in front of the mirror and change their outfit 15 or 20 times before going out. These buffoons are the ones you always hear asking "what does she see in that loser?" 

She doesn't see anything, dummy. She feels his value ... ( just like she feels your lack thereof ). 

Get with the program, check your anger issues at the door, and stop believing the brainwashing you've been force-fed by society since you stopped sucking your thumb. If you want to make 2012 the year you go from Average Frustrated Chump to Always Building Attraction, you'll learn from the folly of your fellow men and shift the way you think.

As the old saying goes, if you keep doing what you've been doing, you'll keep getting what you've always gotten. 

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