“When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.” - Dale Carnegie
Do you have someone in your life that drives you completely insane?
Up the freakin' wall?
How about those people who are emotional rag dolls - up one minute and down the next? Those walking yo-yo's who love you one day and then hate you the next?
Or the drama queens of the world who can't stop gossiping about you (and everyone else they know) behind your back for more than 5 minutes at a time? Have you ever met someone who always seems to find a way to be negative no matter what the situation?
These types of people can be an ongoing challenge - even for someone trained in dealing with difficult people (trust me on that one).
And guess what?
Unless we make it an automatic habit to shift our focus to the positive aspects of everything we encounter in life - whether it be a person, place or thing - it'll actually be the people we dislike the most who will be controlling us!
This is exactly why we must take 100% responsibility for everything we experience in life.
That includes taking responsibility for the emotions we experience ... because our emotions are ours and ours alone - and the quality of our lives is determined by the quality of our experiences.
If you want to truly be the only one in control of your life, you must master these three things:
- What you choose to focus on.
- What that means to you.
- How it makes you feel.
Here's a simple exercise to get you started on taking control of every experience you have in life. In this exercise, we'll use a simple strategy from NLP called a 'reframe' to literally change our experience of a person - and specifically, how to deal with difficult people like a pro.
1. Think of someone you've had problems getting along with in the past.
2. Write down the things about them that you've been paying attention to.
3. Note the extent to which they meet your expectations - or the extent to which they don't.
4. Now pay attention to how you experience this in your body by just thinking about them.
5. Ask yourself if there's one quality that you can find about this person that - if you were to really think about - you can either appreciate or admire.
(I know, I know - this might take a while. But you're a highly intelligent and resourceful person ... so you can do it).
Got it? Excellent. Now, note the following:
What happens when you change what you pay attention to?
Does shifting your focus away from what you don't like about that person and towards something you actually admire or appreciate about them change the way you feel?
In fact, does it change your entire experience? You bet your ass it does.
Who's in control now, baby? You are.
'The calmest person in the room is the most powerful person in the room.' - @ebenpagan #Charisma pic.twitter.com/G5mSDcxEWV
— Pete Sapper (@PeteSapper) August 11, 2014
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