Five Lessons You Can Learn From a Low Value Couple
If you've watched Jerry Macguire (or its many Hollywood fantasy derivatives) enough times to have bought into the 'I was empty inside, but you complete me' fallacy, or you're the type that says shit like "I can't believe it ... they looked so happy together!" when Nick and Jessica broke up or when "John and Kate Plus Eight" turned into "The Courtship of Katie's Ego", you're probably going to hate me for this ...
Luckily, I've won enough popularity contests to tide my ego over for the next few lifetimes.
So without any further ado, here's my list of 5 (painful) lessons you can learn from a low value couple:
1. Set ground rules like "no punching each other in the face" in the beginning of the relationship.
When they get broken ... do the sane thing and leave.
Love doesn't sucker-punch you with its 'daddy issues' or hold you responsible for the fact that 'mommy was never there'. Replaying the pathological relationships one witnessed as a child is nothing short of unconscious insanity.
It sure makes for some great TV, though. ( Don't judge me. I need my fix, just like the rest of you ).
2. There's a seriously thin line between a codependent person's version of 'love' and 'hate' ...
Especially when their definition of "I love you" really translates to "I need you" (to distract me from the vast chasm of emptiness in my core)
... And God help you if you ever cease to serve that purpose.
3. The most toxic relationships are always the most addictive.
Needy types are addicted to the euphoric rush their brain feels every time they latch onto another codependent stage-5 clinger. The neuro-chemical cascade they feel originates from the same pleasure centers of the brain that light up when heroin finds its target opiate receptor.
Of course, this euphoric high, much like its synthetically-induced counterparts has a nasty comedown.
When the honeymoon ends - so does the temporary respite it once offered from that little voice that torments a needy mind 24-7 when it doesn't have the addictive drama of a toxic relationship to drown it out.
4. The low-value person's need to worship false gods by placing something as faulty as a human-being on a freakin' pedestal is the purest form of self-ownage. (It also probably pisses the real the real One off.)
When the "he's perfect, not like my loser ex" or the "she's not a dirty skank like the rest of them" idealization is over, they will be wishing Allstate offered full coverage heartbreak insurance.
(Where's that hilarious 'mayhem' dude when you really need him?)
4. The neediness and clinginess that constitutes codependence is about as low value as it gets. It's also insanely selfish.
From cock-blocking 'The Situation' to causing poor Pauly and Vinnie many a nervous breakdown, The narcissistic, people-pleaser and attention-starved 'sweet bitch' that comprised this drama-mongering duo were utterly oblivious to the fact that they frequently destroyed any semblance of fun for those who had to inhabit the same living space.
The low-value moto goes like this: It's all about me, baby.
5. Codependent types love to play the 'hapless victim' role, even when it's been completely worn out from the first 50 times they used it.
Herein lies the insanity of codependency: toxic relationships like Ronnie and Sammi's - what Dane Cook laughingly refers to as 'relation-shits' - don't just happen to people.
And that narcissistic ego-maniac or histrionic, borderline personality disordered 'psychobitch' they invariably blame for the craziness was never the problem. They were.
No matter how bad one was abused or neglected as a child ('cause let's face it, that's what all this craziness is really about), they're not 3 years old anymore. Mommy, daddy, or the long-dead pervert uncle aren't the ones calling the shots now.
So let's bottom line it, my friends: Codependent douchbaggery - the kind that Ronnie and Sammi have mastered - is an acquired skill that serves no worthy purpose and, like any other addiction, always leaves its user totally devoid of self-worth ... there's not enough GTL on the planet to fix that.
Practice letting intolerable bullshit slide enough times in a relationship and you'll have to call in a diving team to find your self esteem.
Luckily, I've won enough popularity contests to tide my ego over for the next few lifetimes.
So without any further ado, here's my list of 5 (painful) lessons you can learn from a low value couple:
1. Set ground rules like "no punching each other in the face" in the beginning of the relationship. When they get broken ... do the sane thing and leave.
Love doesn't sucker-punch you with its 'daddy issues' or hold you responsible for the fact that 'mommy was never there'. Replaying the pathological relationships one witnessed as a child is nothing short of unconscious insanity.
It sure makes for some great TV, though. ( Don't judge me. I need my fix, just like the rest of you ).
2. There's a seriously thin line between a codependent person's version of 'love' and 'hate' ...
Especially when their definition of "I love you" really translates to "I need you" (to distract me from the vast chasm of emptiness in my core)
... And God help you if you ever cease to serve that purpose.
3. The most toxic relationships are always the most addictive.
Needy types are addicted to the euphoric rush their brain feels every time they latch onto another codependent stage-5 clinger. The neuro-chemical cascade they feel originates from the same pleasure centers of the brain that light up when heroin finds its target opiate receptor.
Of course, this euphoric high, much like its synthetically-induced counterparts has a nasty comedown.
When the honeymoon ends - so does the temporary respite it once offered from that little voice that torments a needy mind 24-7 when it doesn't have the addictive drama of a toxic relationship to drown it out.
4. The low-value person's need to worship false gods by placing something as faulty as a human-being on a freakin' pedestal is the purest form of self-ownage. (It also probably pisses the real the real One off.)
When the "he's perfect, not like my loser ex" or the "she's not a dirty skank like the rest of them" idealization is over, they will be wishing Allstate offered full coverage heartbreak insurance.
(Where's that hilarious 'mayhem' dude when you really need him?)
4. The neediness and clinginess that constitutes codependence is about as low value as it gets. It's also insanely selfish.
From cock-blocking 'The Situation' to causing poor Pauly and Vinnie many a nervous breakdown, The narcissistic, people-pleaser and attention-starved 'sweet bitch' that comprised this drama-mongering duo were utterly oblivious to the fact that they frequently destroyed any semblance of fun for those who had to inhabit the same living space.
The low-value moto goes like this: It's all about me, baby.
5. Codependent types love to play the 'hapless victim' role, even when it's been completely worn out from the first 50 times they used it. Herein lies the insanity of codependency: toxic relationships like Ronnie and Sammi's - what Dane Cook laughingly refers to as 'relation-shits' - don't just happen to people.
And that narcissistic ego-maniac or histrionic, borderline personality disordered 'psychobitch' they invariably blame for the craziness was never the problem. They were.
No matter how bad one was abused or neglected as a child ('cause let's face it, that's what all this craziness is really about), they're not 3 years old anymore. Mommy, daddy, or the long-dead pervert uncle aren't the ones calling the shots now.
So let's bottom line it, my friends: Codependent douchbaggery - the kind that Ronnie and Sammi have mastered - is an acquired skill that serves no worthy purpose and, like any other addiction, always leaves its user totally devoid of self-worth ... there's not enough GTL on the planet to fix that.
Practice letting intolerable bullshit slide enough times in a relationship and you'll have to call in a diving team to find your self esteem.
